Saboteurs: Those voices that tell you that you should, you ought to, you can’t, you need to … the ones that like to boss you around, tell you how to do things, tell you what’s possible, judge your abilities, determine your possibilities, establish your rules, announce when you’re doing it wrong. The ones that think they know what’s best for you, if only you would just listen / pay attention / try harder / give up already.
Some people like to call them gremlins or demons. I prefer saboteurs — what they do is sabotage your deepest knowing. I have also come to understand them not as evil ne’er-do-wells, but as guardian angels who are just thoroughly lousy at their jobs. They want the best for you; they think they are helping you; they are not.
But they could! If you are willing to spend some time getting to know them — befriending them, even — you can teach them to do a better job. Here is a series of questions you can ask to do that. The questions were devised by my friend and colleague, coach Will Medd.
Start by identifying and naming the saboteur you want to work with (Supermom, The Hustler, George, whatever). You might start with the one with the loudest voice. Then note: what do you gain by listening to her/him/them? And then work through the following questions, in writing, not just in your head.
(I’ll gender the saboteur female in these questions, but please adapt.)
What assumptions is she making?
What is she believing?
What is she worried about?
What is she trying to protect you from?
What does she really want for you?
What reassurance could you give her?
What alternative, helpful assumptions would you like her to make?
What alternative, helpful beliefs would you like her to hold?
Knowing she wants the best for you, what would you like her to say instead?
Can you think of an object or image that will help reinforce this new voice?